Sexual Abuse Should Not Be Alleged Lightly

Before accusing an ex of sexually molesting a child, you should consider several factors. If you have a child with someone, you should have some idea of who they are, and what they are capable of doing. A parent who has never behaved inappropriately towards your child while you were together isn't likely to become a molester when you are apart. This doesn't mean you shouldn't investigate your concerns. When your child has visitation with your ex, he or she isn't the only person with whom your child has contact. Friends and other family members may also have access to your child, and it is possible that one of them could have done something that is inappropriate. It is also possible that an adult assisting the child with toileting, dressing or bathing could have had physical contact with the child that would have been improper in other situations.

Among the things you should explore is what the child said that alerted you to the possibility of abuse. Where was she touched and by whom is the most important factor in making your determination. Find out who has contact with the child when she is visiting her other parent. Tell the other parent what the child said that made you think there might be a problem. It is very likely that the other parent will be as interested in getting to the bottom of the situation as you are. If he or she is defensive or uncommunicative, you may have to seek professional intervention to find out what actually happened.
Even if your relationship with your ex is less than friendly, it is the obligation of both of you as parents to protect your child from those who could cause her harm.

When you approach the child's other parent, be courteous and non-accusatory. Pose your concerns as a problem you need to work on resolving together, not just a convenient opportunity to prove that the other parent is a pervert or evil doer.

Finally, and this is very important, you should look in your own back yard. Are you living with someone new? Are there step children in either home who are emotionally disturbed or violent? Do you have friends and relatives who should be considered? Does your child attend a day care center, church group or sports training with strangers? He or she may lay the blame at the other parent's feet out of fear of repercussions from the true perpetrator. In addition, leading questions such as "did your daddy do this?" could elicit damning answers from a confused child who isn't sure what happened, who did it, or even whether the behavior in question is abnormal.

The police and welfare departments will be involved if sexual molestation has actually occurred. Your family could end up in the system for years, even if nothing inappropriate happened. Your child is entitled to your protection, but he is also entitled to your sound judgment. That is why it is important for you to ferret out the truth when your child may have been sexually abused.